Humorous Quotes Homepage
Quotations To Help Lighten Your Day & Generously Share - Page 2
Commentary © 2007 Richard Chandler & Bonnett Chandler
We who reside in the rest of Minnesota, which the media refers to as “Greater Minnesota,” (for obvious reasons to my mind), further shorten up Minneapolis and St. Paul and refer to the Twin Cities simply as “The Cities.” We are united with the people of “the Cities” in our belief that while brief visits to that other part of state are fine from time to time, you would have to either be a little stupid, or at the very least, financially hard up, to actually live there.
“They are nicknamed the Twin Cities. They are divided by the Mississippi River, and united by the belief that the inhabitants of the other side of the river are inferior.”
- Trevor Fishlock
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From Caryl Rivers, author of numerous works on gender, culture and family issues…
“He knew he’d have to go to Disney World eventually. It’s middle-class America’s version of a pilgrimage to Mecca. Every family that can scrape up the cash must make the long and arduous journey to a shrine peopled with more minor deities than the slopes of Mount Olympus: Mickey, Donald, Huey, Louie, and Dewey. With frayed nerves and tattered wallets the faithful stream through the turnstiles of the Magic Kingdom, intent on giving every child his or her birthright: The opportunity to gawk at a six foot duck in a blue jacket.”
- Caryl Rivers
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A quote from the crankiest comic I have ever heard, a superb craftsman in delivering rhythmic cascades of words. For me, listening to George Carlin is a tightrope walk between admiration for his brilliance and feeling almost horrified by how dark comedy can get.
“If black boxes survive air crashes – why don’t they make the whole plane out of the stuff?”
- George Carlin (1937- )
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Many a city could vie for the distinction that Manchester, England held for Mr. Clemens… a place to retire and gaze out at the tranquil view of green pastures.
“I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.”
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
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From the pen of Lane Olinghouse, who seems to be best known for quotes like this one…
"Remember when atmospheric contaminants were romantically called stardust?"
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- Lane Olinghouse
Spot-on advice for many a family…
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you might as well make it dance.”
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
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While many would agree that over 100 years of time have improved education, others might conclude that certain aspects of education are by their inherent nature completely immune from improvement.
“In the first place God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
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Stephen Leacock didn’t like his work as a college political science professor. He turned to writing to supplement his teaching income and is now known for his humorous writings.
“Anybody who has listened to certain kinds of music, or read certain kinds of poetry, or heard certain kinds of performances on the concertina, will admit that even suicide has its brighter aspects.”
- Stephen Leacock (1869-1944)
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This writer spent 2 years in a Nazi concentration camp and escaped in a German uniform shortly before the Jewish prisoners were killed. The Polish Communist state also refused to allow him to be published during much of the 1950’s...
“Oh to be old again,’ said a young corpse”
- Stanislaw Lec (1909-1966)
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I must respectfully disagree with George Burns, as you could be eminently qualified to run the country by working in your family’s oil business and co-owning the Texas Rangers baseball team.
“Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.”
- George Burns (1896-1996)
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Cheese plates take center stage at parties as noted by French president…
“How can one conceive of a one-party system in a country that has over 200 varieties of cheese?”
- Charles DeGaulle (1890-1970)
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